Tuesday. June 12th, 2012

I love rain. I had two of them in a row again. I can remember the first one, not the second one. I know they were both great, or so I think. Maybe the second dream was horrible and that's why I can't remember it...I don't know. I don't know anymore....It didn't feel like most dreams feel. Most dreams that I have are in first person view. This one was in third person view, felt like I was watching a movie or video game cutscenes, except the characters were people and the story was their lives. But I knew to some extent, I am not him. It was me and my brother, who I don't have. Maybe just another person, felt close. Our objective was to get some kind of powerful sword from a big monster who for some reason wanted to get rid of the sword. Then we had to figure out how to escape the spaceship. I, or rather the character whose identity was me in third person, killed a few faceless entities along the way. It was easy slaughter. Then came the part where I had to think, really hard, even tho I wasn't. It felt like thinking, the mind weight of it at least, but then again it was just a dream and I'm not even sure whether I was aware of it or not. Usually awareness or at least consciousness of a dream means that I'm you control your own movements to some extent but this wasn't the case. That's why it felt like I was in a self creating story which I could only observe helplessly without control. After some hard thinking we ejected ourselves somehow out of the spaceship and we landed on a nearby planet which seemed to be Earth. But we didn't know it was Earth, and that point I figured out I'm experiencing Aliens discovering our planet for the first time. I picked up some mushrooms, books from a nearby abandoned shed and flowers and started studying it and was amazed at all the life on this newly found planet. Then the dream stopped, as if someone were to press the pause button on a remote control while watching a tv program.

 I slowly woke from my slumber, went to take a piss, came back and lay down on my bed. The second dream ensued, but I can't remember it. The more I try to think about it, the more I feel like someone is filling my head with water and it gets heavier and heavier.... What the fuck is going on?

These dreams I have, some of them feel like I'm watching other people's lives, or experiencing the lives that other people have lived in the past or will live in the future. How can we call something that feels so real not real? On rare occasions from time to time, I have a sense of smell in my dreams... Those are the realest dreams, as most dreams only incorporate the use of eyes, ears and the central nervous system. But on rare occasions, I have the sense of smell while dreaming, those are dreams of another reality.

Maybe Terrence McKenna was right. Maybe I should sleep with a notepad and a pen on my nightstand so I can write down the key sequences of my dreams. I hate not remembering my dreams, It always feels like loosing a valuable lesson and letting it drift away, freely.

Monday. June 11th, 2012

Heat is murder.Had two of them in a row. The first one.....can't remember the first one. Dogs. Trees. Leaves of green. Frogs. Sunlight. Flow not controllable. Unifinished story. I wake up, take a piss, lay back down. I could hear hard rain outside. I'm sitting in a classroom. Lots of people, girls and boys. Teacher is kind and quiet. I'm aware its not real. My persona and alertness are with me. As I'm in control of the dream I think about the first one. Can't remember the first one.Trees.Frogs.Sunshine.Mild gray clouds.Green Leaves. Wind coming from the east. Fade to black. Classroom. We're playing a game. No rules. Everyone is having fun. Lying on the bed, I'm aware of where my body is, and I'm aware where my conciousness is. I'm aware its a dream and that I can control it. I can hear hard rain outside, yes when I look out the window the sun is shining bright.What happened after that? What did I do with it? I'm too late. I missed it. It's gone now....Classroom.Chairs.Torn papers on the floor. Windows.Hot, kind, quiet teacher. Faceless schoolmates. School uniforms, hm must've been a British school or one of those Asian school where they have a dress code. Maybe its the rain. The rain keeps the nightmares at bay? Possible. Rain could be an isolation chamber, or it has no effect whatsoever except it makes me feel good. I've allways loved dark rainy days. Get euphoric whenever theres hard rain, wind and thunder. Could've affected the nightmares.

Terrence McKenna once said in an interview he sleeps with a pen and a piece of paper, and that sometimes he couldn't write all of it down. I sleep next to my computer and its still not fast enough. Why can I still remember the nightmare of yesterday yet the two odd but pleasant dreams I had today, I've forgotten as to what they were before I could even write it down.

If the contents of my mind are my intellectual property, then whose property are dreams? Why do they evaporate into nothingness so quickly.....

Sunday. June 10th, 2012

As I wake up, I ask myself. Was it real? I had a dream, I didn't know I was dreaming. I was lying on my bed, in a place that used to be familiar, family and relatives were eating around a big square table. It was a bright day. I could hear them cracking wise jokes, I was lying in bed. Why was I lying in bed, pretending to be asleep? They could see me, the door to my room was open. A dark cloud blocks the sunlight. I hear tanks, moving like angry caterpillars. There is silence. First shot comes from the east corner side of the building, the debris smashes my uncles head in, he smiles as his eye falls out and a few drops of blood slowly ooze out of his eyeball. The remaining part of my beloved family pretends like nothing is happening. ''WHAT ARE YOU DOING, HIDE!!'' I think to myself, but can't seem to bring the words into reality. My vocal cords refuse to serve me. The second round is fired from northwest of my position, the rest of the family is blown into the air like dust. Smoke arises, but fire does not follow. I manage to gather myself, I hide under the bed. I hear faceless entities walking towards me. I hear the vibrations on the floor. They flip the bed and expose me.I feel naked. My ears transfer a sentence: ''We got a live one over here. Call a medic.'' Curtains open. As I wake up, I ask myself. Was it real?